The Power of Finding Your Tribe

I’m going to take us on a trip down memory lane—all the way back to middle school. For most of us, middle school was one of the most difficult time periods of our childhood. School was a bit of a challenge, and building friendships might have seemed very stressful during those years between ages 10-13.

There’s strong evidence to support why, generation after generation, this happens. My wife and I are experiencing what it’s like for our oldest daughter to go through this right now.

These ages can be difficult for kids because it’s a turning point in their maturity. They are learning how to integrate themselves outside their tribe (read: family). Up to this point in their life, they’ve largely relied on the support, encouragement and approval of their family. While they’ve had friends, the friendships tend to be more superficial and geared largely towards fun activities. The depth of relationships hasn’t quite yet developed. But as kids enter middle school, the process of gaining and losing friends has quite the impact, including an academic one.

YOUR OWN TRIBE

As kids grow up, it becomes increasingly important for them to earn the acceptance and respect of their own tribe outside of their family.

Why do I bring this up?

It’s because it illustrates how important community is in our lives. It emphasizes that we, as humans, are very much social creatures who value interaction, acceptance inclusion. Even the most introverted of people still appreciate—dare I say require—a tribe outside of their family.

At each level throughout our childhood and into early adulthood, we struggle and strive to find our tribe and community. Each major milestone—from each stage of schooling into the professional world—requires a reset and effort to find our new social circle.

ADULTHOOD

Fast forward to adulthood post-education.

Most of us, if we think about the social groups we are part of, have a common denominator that brings us together. It may be a hobby, our religion, sports, our kids or our neighbors. But regardless of what brought us together, we can all appreciate how nice it feels to have our tribe.

But what about professionally? What have you done to build your tribe professionally, and why should it be important?

Regardless of your role within the optometric profession, let’s explore the various different ways in which you can think about your professional tribe and the benefits that come with each.

ONLINE AND SOCIAL MEDIA

There’s no question that online professional communities like ODs on Facebook, ODs on Finance and Reddit (r/optometry) can provide a sense of community. After all, it’s called social media. And for good reason: You can interact with your peers, get a pulse on what’s going on in the profession, ask questions, find out news about colleagues etc. It absolutely serves a purpose and benefit.

But it doesn’t come without its cautions and tradeoffs, many of which are probably obvious.

For one, it’s difficult to build intimate relationships with a large online community. The relationships are superficial at best, and I think we’ve all witnessed some negative interactions that happen in threads where conversations go downhill quickly. We find ourselves wondering, “Would they interact that way if they were standing face to face?” 

These mediums absolutely serve their purpose, but they’re no substitute for the true definition of community. Peripherally and almost paradoxically, there’s an inverse correlation between the amount of time one spends on social media to their sense of happiness and connectedness. Oftentimes, the more time they spend online scrolling social media, the more isolated they may feel.

Local Associations and Networking Groups

This is a step in the right direction and it’s one of the benefits your membership in organized optometry like the American Optometric Association can bring. Whether it’s the multiple CE events or the social interactions (happy hours, dinners, etc.) that are offered annually, these organizations create the platform to bring local OD professionals together in-person.

However, it doesn’t stop there. If you want relationships that started through these organizations to blossom into deeper, personal relationships, it requires an investment of both parties. After all, you get out of relationships what you put into them. This is where the phrase “be the friend you’d like to have” originates. 

Investing in these relationships is how strong professional bonds are formed. The benefits are multi-factorial. These relationships can be a sounding board for new ideas or an ear to listen when you must vent about a rough day working with the public. I know you’ve all been there! Or maybe even a possible succession plan for each of your practices. You just never know what the benefit will be.

One thing’s for certain: None of the benefits will show themselves without the investment to grow the relationship in the first place.

Masterminds

This is the most business-oriented version of relationships. The benefits are plentiful. Mastermind and accountability groups are structured with a business-first focus and often grow into deep personal relationships. They are typically facilitated by an outside organization or a buying group. This provides structure around the interaction: how often the groups will meet, the structure of the meetings and track progress and accountability.

ODs—especially practice owners—are drawn to these groups because they understand it can be lonely at the top. As a result, everyone in their practice is looking to them for direction, leadership and guidance. They can feel like they’re on an island all by themselves. Masterminds create the structure and intimacy that quickly develops a circle of trust with the members. They’re usually limited in size—sometimes as small as two or three members.

But they all have one thing in common: structure. They meet on a systematic basis to share challenges they are each facing, opportunities they are wanting to capture, strengths they are looking to enhance and the accountability to track it all. 

Some of the most successful business minds in our nation’s history who created empires attribute a large part of their success to the community, accountability and ideology that came from these kinds of groups. Think Ford, Edison and Rockefeller. It was one of the most profound findings Napoleon Hill discovered when he was doing research for his timeless classic Think and Grow Rich.

Some groups are free/bundled with a membership. Others have an explicit cost attached to them. I personally gravitate towards a mastermind that has an outside cost to it. It’s one way to remove any conflicts of interest. It also ensures you have a bit more skin in the game than just your time. 

Masterminds can have a variety of cadences and structures. Therefore, you should find one that aligns your goals and mission and make the investment of time and capital. 

Accountability Partners

The very basics start with developing a relationship with even just one other person. While there’s certainly benefits to this person being an OD, they don’t have to be. You just need to have someone that can agree to be your accountability partner.

An accountability partner does just what the description suggests. They can hold you accountable to the goals that you’ve declared to them you want to achieve. Progress on these goals can be shared by periodically, weekly or monthly. Hop on a quick phone call and share updates. Sometimes even sending quick text messages back and forth can be a simple way to begin building an accountability process that works for you.

Independent Owners Can Still Lean on Their Tribe

There are many ways and reasons to find your tribe within the profession of optometry. The universal truth is the importance of you finding it. Running a business—and doing it successfully—is hard enough. Don’t make it harder on yourself by going at it alone. 

Cmejla invites readers to check out OD Masterminds.

Read more from Adam Cmejla, CFP, here.

Read more on professional development here.